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Five Signs Na Mas Nagmamahal Ka

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Love is never equal and the heart is not always right. [Kasi nasa center of the chest? Charot].

Sabi nung isa kong kakilala, maghanap daw ng taong mas mahal ka kesa ikaw ‘yung mas nagmamahal. Sabi ko naman, di mo naman ‘yan agad malalaman. Hindi ‘yan parang palengke na pwede mong timbangin para malaman alin ang mas mabigat. Oo, ‘pag ang stat mo ay single and ready to mingle, ibig sabihin nun nasa “market” ka. Para kang isda o petsay na kinikilatis pero may karapatan ka ring mangkilatis. Poke dito, poke dyan hanggang mahanap mo ‘yung the one.

Never naman talaga na naging equal ang pag-ibig. Laging merong mas nagbibigay. Merong mas umiiyak, mas umaasa o mas masaya.

Pero sa lahat ng kadramahang ‘to, panu mo nga ba malalaman kung ikaw ang tanga… este, ang mas nagmamahal sa inyong dalawa.

1) Mas madali kang magpatawad.

Kung magpatawad ka parang kendi lang sa kanto. Bigay lang ng bigay. Sabi mo pa, okay lang busog na busog ka naman sa pride. Lagi mo na lang kinakain. Feeling mo kasi masarap.

2) Best in Memory ka at Best in Amnesia siya.

Sa lahat ng okasyon – birthdays, monthsaries, anniversaries – alam na alam mo kahit magpaquiz pa nang tulog. Alam na alam mo rin ‘yung araw ng unang sulyap, unang halik at unang out-of-town. Baka pati brand at kulay ng damit niya sa bawat araw na nakikita mo siya.

3) A++ for effort.

Three months in advance kung magplano ka ng couples ganap. Lahat ng ginagawa at binibili mo para sa kanya ay nagsusumigaw ng BONGGA! ‘Yung tipong hindi lang palakpakan, may kasamang luhod factor. Sabi nga ni Tito Boy, “Kaibigan, ikaw na!” Di bale na kung namax out ‘yung credit card mo o zero savings ka na, mabili mo lang ‘yung gusto niya. Kapag nagbilangan kayo ng regalo, landslide ang pagkapanalo mo.

4) Siya muna, bago ikaw.

Feeling mo isang malaking kasalanan ang maging selfish kaya puro na lang needs and wants niya. Sa relationship niyo, ikaw si Mother Theresa o si St. Francis kaya siya muna bago ang ‘yong sarili. Pero di naman niya kasalanan dahil desisyon mong sambahin pati ang dinadaanan niya. Hindi cute ‘pag pinapaikot mo na lang ‘yung mundo mo sa kanya. Minsan, celebrate ka ng “myself appreciation day”, ‘yung puro ikaw naman. Tip the scale.

5) Bodega Queen/King

‘Yung tickets sa unang sine, napkin sa unang kain at petals nung unang bouquet ay pinakatago-tago mo pa. Lahat na lang ng bagay ay ginagawa mong memento. Tapos ‘pag namimiss mo siya, parang tanga lang na nilalabas mo isa-isa at nagrereminisce with matching dutdut sa gilid ng ‘yung mata.

Hayan, ilan lang ‘yan sa listahan. Ayokong isama ‘yung mga punyetang ikaw ang unang nagtext o tumawag kasi pabebe na masyado ‘yung mga ganun. Masyadong importante ang communication sa isang relationship so kebs kung sinong nauna.

Sa totoo lang, una pa lang may mali na. Di ka naman umiibig nang may sukat o timbang. [hahaha ohmygush abelgush, padeep na ‘to] Umiibig ka nang walang limitasyon, walang kondisyon at walang hinihinging kapalit… Dapat. Pero lahat tayo feeling entitled kaya ang dami nating requirements and expectations. Ang dami-dami nating demands sa isa’t-isa kaya hayan ang bagsak, mag-isa ka. Eh, anu ngayun kung ikaw ang mas nagmamahal o nagmahal. Sa ganun eh.

Paalala lang, ‘wag mong hayaang maging hindi makatarunungan ‘yung inequality sa equation ng inyong pagmamahalan. Ang katangahan ay may hangganan. Kung mas may respeto siya kay Jollibee, please lang, magconcede ka na at kumain na lang ng burger.

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Bakit Ang Dami-Dami Nating Pinaglalaban Sa Buhay?

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Bumili ako ng kape, latte, pero ang binigay ni ate, mocha. Inis na inis kong pinagsabihan si ate na latte po. Ayokong makiuso kay Mocha Uson, pwede ba. Sa dinami-dami ng injustices sa mundo, ‘wag na natin isama ang kape.

Nung pinaghintay ako ng 20 minutes, iritang-irita ako dahil nagmukha akong halaman na hinahalik-halikan ng mga pakshet na lamok. Alam mo ‘yun. Choice ko namang maghintay pero masyado akong affected.

Sabi niya, “Ayokong masabihang mayabang.” Sabi ko, “Mayabang ka naman talaga”, with matching deep conviction sa side ko. ‘Yung tipong kahit umabot kami sa supreme court, ipaglalaban ko.

Sabi niya, “Kontodo make-up siya!” Sabi ko, “Wow. Pati make up, kasama na sa dislike equation!” Sige, ipush lang natin ang I-hate-list sa taong ‘yan baka magustuhan tayo ng iba. I-todo na natin ‘yung panlalait hanggang sa kulay ng underwear niya. Sabi nga, maliit man o malaki, kasalanan pa rin ‘yan so imaximize mo na. Nakulangan ka pa.

Tinanung ako, “Ba’t ang busy busy mo?” Nireplyan ko, “Try mo kaya magwork for once.” Dinamdam nya. Sige, ipaglaban ang feelings ‘pag tayo ay naaapi! Wala namang pumipigil sa atin ‘pag tayo ay nasaktan. Feelings mo ‘yan. Entitled ka.

Pinameet the parents ng kapatid ko ‘yung Bikolano niyang jowa. May mga nagmessage sa FB na asan daw ‘yung akin, kelan daw ako, ba’t daw nauna ‘yung mas bata. Sana maramdaman n’yo ‘yung bitterness sa seenzone ko. Kakaloka kayo. Mga feeling close. Minessage ko na lang si Mama, pwede ba pakisabi sa mga tao dyan ‘wag akong imessage ng garbage. Oh di ba, pati ba naman ‘to pinalaki ko pa.

Nung Sabado, sinita ako nung guard sa di ko maintindihang kadahilanan kaya binigay ko na lang ‘yung dala kong popcorn. Stock ko pa naman ‘yung para sa SEABA Thailand versus Philippines basketball. Hayun, 10% less sa intensity ng cheer ko. Desisyon ko namang ibigay so ba’t di ko malet go let go with matching computation ng loss?

Nag-email si Golf ng “Dear Lvi”. Sino si Lvi?? Levi kasi. ‘Yung blood pressure ko tumaas. Nireplyan ko na lang ng “Dear Glf”. Maghanapan na lang kami ng mga nawawalang letra. Priorities di ba?

Nung minsan, may nagtanung if gusto kong magpabili ng dinner para di na ako lumabas. Umoo naman ako. Hayun, nagexercise muna siya, nanood ng taekwondo, nagswimming, naligo. After 2 -3 hours, saka dumating ‘yung dinner ko. Fault ko naman ‘yun. Di ako nagtanung anung oras siya makakauwi. Kaya choice niya kahit hatinggabi pa niya dalhin. Muntik ko na ngang sabihing salamat pang dinner ko ‘to bukas.

Nung minsan, sinabihan akong ba’t may chat groups daw na wala siya. Ako ba, nang-issue na wala ako sa mga ibang groups? Kakagigil. Kakapunyeta.

Minsan, may pinakilala sa akin sa office. Nung bumalik, pinagsabihan kong, “bat mo pinapakilala eh di naman kami magkawork or any future work??” Natulala siya. hahaha Outburst. Blame it to a bad morning. Nag-sorry naman ako dahil walang sense yung pinaglalaban ko.

Ang dami-daming nangyayari sa mundo na kahit kaliit-liitang bagay eh issue na. May nagsabi na bat ang hilig kong mang-issue gaya na lang daw nung nagmessage siya sa google chat group na pasintabi dahil magmemessage siya sa FB group. Di ko makita sense so call out ko ‘yung kagagahan niya. Pero pati ba naman nga raw to, issue? Nga naman!

Sa dami na rin ng pinalampas ko, umabot na ako sa breaking point na konting push pa mang-aaway na rin ako. Feeling ko sa dami-dami ng nonsense na binabato sa akin, puno na ako. Feeling ko di na healthy. Pero baka nga ako lang talaga ’to! Marami rin akong kagagahan kaya gaga rin ‘yung mga nasa paligid ko. Hahaha Sa susunod, wag na lang kausapin ‘yung mga tao. Buti na lang mas may sense ‘yung mga tao sa FB messenger at twitter DMs. Kaya intact pa ‘yung sanity ko.

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I Need You to Have Faith In Us

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I never liked uncertainties. I am the type of person who knows exactly what she wants in life. And, I like you. So, I had long decided that labels do not matter as long as we’re happy. But, I made that decision for the two us without asking… “Are you happy?”

I wanted to promise you that I am going to stay through ups and downs. That if you decide to love me, I will love you back with the same intensity. But, now, you are giving me reasons not to. I can see the doubts and confusions; all the forced laughs and measured smiles to ward off questions about us. About me.

I hope I know how to describe us so you don’t have to struggle when people ask what to define us. I hope I am strong enough to ask if you’re in for the long run or just a matter of time before you run away. You see, I am used with everyone else fooling me on the first few weeks of being around.

I know it’s hard to trust your heart again. We were both burned and consumed by recklessness before. But, up to what extent do we keep being broken?

I hope I can finally find the words to tell you to please leave if you are not going to take us seriously. Because the more time I spend with you, the more I am falling in love with you. I am not asking you to risk it all. Just a little more faith… to us. To me.

*For a friend.

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I Wish Things Have Been Different

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I wish things have been different. I wish I knew this is going to happen. I wish I saw the tell-tale signs. And I wish I did something to stop whatever we had become today.

I am scared. I wish I knew I was slowly losing you in the process of working hard to keep you? Was I selfish? But, I still want to be. I want you. Back. I wish it is as easy as to say the words. Not as hard as trying to be alive when there are no longer reasons to be. Sometimes, I understand… until I am again caught up on these bubbles of shame and regret.

Do you love for the moment or a lifetime? Was I just a passing moment? Obviously, not a lifetime to keep.

Was it painful when you left? Did it even hurt for just a tiny, little sting? Was it an easy choice? I wish it wasn’t. I wish you had some moments of hesitation. At least one for each year of us being together. Six times. That’s enough consolation that even at the last moment, I did not totally lose you.

But, behind all these, all the what ifs, all the wishes to make it different; there is nothing I can do when the heart no longer wants what it used to want.

*wrote this on the way from Halong Bay to Hanoi. For a friend.

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Twelve Funny and Embarrassing Office Moments

I and my friends have lots of silly moments in and out of the office. Let me tell you twelve out of the thousand episodes!

1. I opened my laptop and forgot that Lip Sync Battle was still being played. Ooppps! Good morning, boss!

2. A friend lives next door to his boss and every time, we “party”, his boss makes it a point to send a message, “party hard, work harder!”

3. I was googling images of funny memes when my boss walked behind me. She saw the horrifying evidence of my laziness.

4. A friend accidentally sent heart emoticons to a group chat. His boss and boss’ bosses were in the group! He apologized yet the worst part was no one sent some hearts back! #seenzoned

5. I was late so when I saw the VP in the parking lot, I back tracked. Wrong move! I almost got hit by a car so from being discreet to being miss obvious!

6. In a meeting, a manager went on happy feet mode! Nothing avoids my laser-magnetic eyes even though he tried to be discreet in removing his shoes under the table. #shoeskoday

7. I had the misfortune of sitting next to a crying colleague who had the misfortune of being at the end of someone’s wrath. She cried throughout the meeting while everyone ignored the ‘elephant in the room’.

8. Another misfortune of sitting in a meeting. This time, it was my friend. Her sniffs were background music echoing from wall to wall. As awkward and embarrassing as it was, tissues were being passed from one end to her end. #tissueskoday #crayola

9. A friend crossed path with her boss on a grocery store. DURING OFFICE HOURS.

10. I made an April 1 Fool’s Day debut by saying I LOVE YOU to a work mate. Everyone thought it wasn’t a joke.

11. I replied ALL to a branch manager’s email named Nguyen where I disapproved to pay a distributor. Turned out, the distributor was in the cc loop. In Vietnam, Nguyen is sooo common that everyone seems to have it on their name!

12. My friend’s boss called him in his office. Before he said anything, he apologized for being late, lazy and passive. So much for apologizing, the boss was just giving cookies. #bawalmagassume

All gifs are not mine. Credits to the owners.